Friday, December 27, 2013

Pointers to Oriya Boy- Part Two

I've been asked by my loyal readers reader to write the second installment of pointers to Oriya boys engaged to marry Mallu girls ( and if you didn't guess it still - the girl in question is my offspring and the boy, my future son-in-law). I have also been warned by well wishers to be dignified and behave myself like a good m-i-l should. So there is a sort of clash happening - and I need to be watchful of myself. However, I feel fairly secure in the knowledge that the protagonist of this post will never read it :)

I had promised a module on tact, but that can keep.Today I will offer tips on giving her gifts.

Before I start with that, I must mention the way she does things for the people she loves. 'Out of her way' wouldn't begin to describe the trouble she takes or the thought that goes over each of her presents. She recalls what you had mentioned at some point of time, studies your life and personality, checks your background, enlists the help of your friends/ relatives, gets to know your likes and fetishes... before she plans the gift for you. The gift itself would be unique. She would never go for something picked up off hand at a store. She would have to comb through online options, trudge through quaint streets to find the absolute fitting thing for you. And if she doesn't, then she'll simply get down to making it herself. And she will walk to the parcel place, wherever that is, and send it to you with a hand written note (no, not a printed card- that won't do at all). For all you know, she might even land up on your doorstep, gift in hand.

So don't even try to compete with her. Nor can you compete with her father, who owns her love and loyalty even though he may give her jelly beans (a chilhood favourite that she has long outgrown) or the latest cell phone (which she is not really hankering after) .

But be not disheartened. For such a stickler in gift giving, she is a ridiculously easy-to-please receiver. Her only concern is the genuine feeling behind the giving. And what puts her off is showing affection without meaning it. If she gets mad, life can turn quite miserable - for you.  It is so much easier to get presents for girls than for boys. And she does have a weakness for certain things. I  shall mention the a few:

1. Pens. You heard right. She just cannot resist them. She prefers fountain pens (do they still make them?). Even gel pens, felt tipped ones, fine points, multi coloured ink ones - all make her eyes light up. Her collection includes those that she used in school.

2. Books. Poetry, stories, comics, biographies, travelogues, philosophy, cooking...... Just keep your eyes and ears open, for the writers that interest her. Don't seek the help of best seller list in magazines or newspaper supplements, but get her to talk - not very difficult, that ;)  I don't think she would appreciate self help literature or business stuff. But it is lovely to get books for one who loves reading - you can keep getting her books, and she will melt to mush every time.

3. Books. As in notebooks.  Yeah, I know it sounds funny, but she loves those beautiful notebooks you get nowadays. She admires them, touches and smells them, but won't buy as they are more expensive than she would want a notebook to be.

4. Dark chocolate. Though you'll have to find out the percentage of dark - she won't want the all bitter variety and the too sweet one would not be perfect.

5. Gifts made by you. This may sound impossible, but they are not. All you need to do is take all the things she loves, say photographs of the people in her life or the songs she loves, and put them all together in a collage. She does get sentimental about stuff like that.

6. Your time. It is inevitable that over time, a couple takes each other for granted, the novelty begins to wear. Other priorities like career or kids consume your time and attention, pulling you away from each other. So it is essential to make time to be together and take the effort to make those moments memorable. Whether they be planned or spontaneous, spent in serious talk or flippant fun, at home or a fancy place, the time together must be spent in mutual love and respect, even though you may find many irritating things in her and she in you. Gift her those enjoyable moments.

Hmmm ... I think I got a bit serious there. Anyway, whatever you give her with love, she will appreciate it and express her appreciation openly and thank you so profusely that you will have to ask her to shut up. But that's just the way she is. So don't you go thinking you are the greatest gift giver of them all. Never be complacent. Find, create, explore new ways to please her give her gifts.

I had concerns about posting this, it being of so personal a nature. But there is a general feeling that if you give a woman jewellery, you can make her happy. If nothing, this post will educate the ignorant that there are better ways to get to a woman's heart. It may not be the easiest way, for a man has to truly understand his partner to know how to make her happy.And all men are not lucky enough to have a mother-in-law doling out helpful hints.

Having said that, let me add that emeralds or rubies would make great gifts - she has already got diamonds :D


A Toast ...

..... to my unwanted audience:




Bang !



Take that, spam!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Dirty Desert Rain

Dirty desert rain at dawn
You wet the dust on my tulsi leaves
And cake them brown.
They were reared with care
Watered with love
Fed with prayers.
Now look what you've done!
These tainted leaves -
What can they offer?

You descend at dawn when no one enjoys you.
You fall in winter when it's already cold,
Leaving streaks of mud
and gray brown slush
which you should have washed away.
Look at rains in other places -
They clean the leaves
And clear the dust
While all you do is make a mess.

The dusty leaves may fall,
New ones replace them tomorrow,
But they were young - the ones you killed
You think the plant gets over that sorrow?
Well, you've done the deed.
And you have left.
The why's remain -
Pointless, unanswered

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Child Woman

The young lady at the airport
Her spine straight in confidence
The handshake firm with purpose
Her grace born of triumphs
A gaze backed by beliefs
Her shoulders ready for responsibilities.
And all I see is a button nosed baby.

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Pointers to Oriya Boys Marrying Mallu Girls

Matrimony is an adventure – a whole lot of fun, unexpected surprises and of course a great deal of romance. Entering the arena requires gladiatorial courage, spontaneity and a huge, strong yet soft heart. Interstate marriages could be the next level in the game demanding finer skills to meet strange challenges. As everybody knows, forewarned is forearmed. Being a Mallu woman, the writer has intimate gyaan about her species and what they would appreciate in their men, whether they be Mallu or exotic. So here are some tips from the mare’s mouth, especially for Odisha boys.

Tip 1: Since packaging is the first step to impressing, we shall begin with appearance – in other words clothing. Never dress sloppily. Classy, which translates into very expensive, but doesn’t look it, will do. So even if it is a sweat shirt and jeans, you need to get the best – after all she deserves it or you in it. And kindly refrain from wearing thick gold bracelets = that would require impossible amounts of love to accept. And shoes are quite the deal fixer. Remember they speak volumes about your taste and class. However the Mallu girl would probably turn up in frayed jeans and tees that have seen many summers and maybe even the signature bandana if she had her way. I know, life is not always fair.

Tip 2: If you have a nice smile, use it sparingly – to dazzle.

Tip 3: You may hate doing it, but read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen or at least watch the BBC serialized version. You are free to have an honest opinion of the classic, but you simply must know the difference between being a Darcy and being a Collins. Speaking of books, it would be smart for all malekind to read some chicklit or watch a few chickflicks; despite the silliness, it would be a ready reckoner in the chemistry and feminine fantasy department.

 Tip 4: Entering a Mallu family would expose you to two categories – the uncles/aunts and then the cousins. The former can be handled like all uncles/aunts around India. Your polite behavior and good academic/ career record will take you half the way to acceptance. In order to get you there 90 percent, you will need to know the Mallu tongue – at least a few basic words initially. 100 percent acceptance will have to wait as it involves a couple of years…. or ten…… and a few babies too. The cousin brigade could be more difficult. They are guaranteed to laugh at you behind your back or even in front of it. They will surely speak in Malayalam with an English word or two thrown in to simulate consideration for the outsider. Worse, they may just clam up and drown you in embarrassing silence. You would instinctively make an effort to appear enthusiastic and interested in the nightmare situation. Don’t. Mallu cousins can detect fake 10 miles away. Here is where a little prior homework from your part will help. Get to know them singly- either personally or online. Take care not to be too friendly – they’ll run away. Dropping a line or two, not regularly, but fairly frequently would suffice. You should then be able to gauge and find the ones who will stand by you when you face the clan as a group. One member of the set who is beside the writer now insists on including a sure shot winner tip – ‘gifts and treats to the cousins,’ he guarantees, ‘ will have them eat out of his hand’ The writer wouldn’t recommend this measure as it reeks of spot fixing.

Tip 5: If you think that handbook – Learn Malayalam in 30 Days will help you with communication, think again. You will never get the references that the family lapses into or laughs over. The thing to do is rent some DVDs and watch Mallu movies, I know that Mohanlal looks like the pestilence and Mammooty is ancient, but grit your teeth and watch their classics - A small sacrifice that will enable you to know what people are talking about and not be completely lost. So that’s it for this module. I hope these suggestions will be useful to all Odisha boys getting hitched to Mallu girls.

Coming up next – Do’s and Don’ts in Gifts and Tact - How to Use It [If time permits] 

POST SCRIPT - I don't know why blogger html wont put this post in paragraphs. Perhaps a Mallu girl will help.