Matrimony is an adventure – a whole lot of fun, unexpected surprises and of course a great deal of romance. Entering the arena requires gladiatorial courage, spontaneity and a huge, strong yet soft heart. Interstate marriages could be the next level in the game demanding finer skills to meet strange challenges. As everybody knows, forewarned is forearmed. Being a Mallu woman, the writer has intimate gyaan about her species and what they would appreciate in their men, whether they be Mallu or exotic. So here are some tips from the mare’s mouth, especially for Odisha boys.
Tip 1: Since packaging is the first step to impressing, we shall begin with appearance – in other words clothing. Never dress sloppily. Classy, which translates into very expensive, but doesn’t look it, will do. So even if it is a sweat shirt and jeans, you need to get the best – after all she deserves it or you in it. And kindly refrain from wearing thick gold bracelets = that would require impossible amounts of love to accept. And shoes are quite the deal fixer. Remember they speak volumes about your taste and class. However the Mallu girl would probably turn up in frayed jeans and tees that have seen many summers and maybe even the signature bandana if she had her way. I know, life is not always fair.
Tip 2: If you have a nice smile, use it sparingly – to dazzle.
Tip 3: You may hate doing it, but read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen or at least watch the BBC serialized version. You are free to have an honest opinion of the classic, but you simply must know the difference between being a Darcy and being a Collins. Speaking of books, it would be smart for all malekind to read some chicklit or watch a few chickflicks; despite the silliness, it would be a ready reckoner in the chemistry and feminine fantasy department.
Tip 4: Entering a Mallu family would expose you to two categories – the uncles/aunts and then the cousins. The former can be handled like all uncles/aunts around India. Your polite behavior and good academic/ career record will take you half the way to acceptance. In order to get you there 90 percent, you will need to know the Mallu tongue – at least a few basic words initially. 100 percent acceptance will have to wait as it involves a couple of years…. or ten…… and a few babies too. The cousin brigade could be more difficult. They are guaranteed to laugh at you behind your back or even in front of it. They will surely speak in Malayalam with an English word or two thrown in to simulate consideration for the outsider. Worse, they may just clam up and drown you in embarrassing silence. You would instinctively make an effort to appear enthusiastic and interested in the nightmare situation. Don’t. Mallu cousins can detect fake 10 miles away. Here is where a little prior homework from your part will help. Get to know them singly- either personally or online. Take care not to be too friendly – they’ll run away. Dropping a line or two, not regularly, but fairly frequently would suffice. You should then be able to gauge and find the ones who will stand by you when you face the clan as a group. One member of the set who is beside the writer now insists on including a sure shot winner tip – ‘gifts and treats to the cousins,’ he guarantees, ‘ will have them eat out of his hand’ The writer wouldn’t recommend this measure as it reeks of spot fixing.
Tip 5: If you think that handbook – Learn Malayalam in 30 Days will help you with communication, think again. You will never get the references that the family lapses into or laughs over. The thing to do is rent some DVDs and watch Mallu movies, I know that Mohanlal looks like the pestilence and Mammooty is ancient, but grit your teeth and watch their classics - A small sacrifice that will enable you to know what people are talking about and not be completely lost. So that’s it for this module. I hope these suggestions will be useful to all Odisha boys getting hitched to Mallu girls.
Coming up next – Do’s and Don’ts in Gifts and Tact - How to Use It [If time permits]
POST SCRIPT - I don't know why blogger html wont put this post in paragraphs. Perhaps a Mallu girl will help.